Good Riddance 2012

It’s the last few hours before we bid adieu to 2012 and greet the dawn of 2013.  I suppose I should be sad in some ways that we are leaving 2012 behind and I should look back with nostalgia at this past year.  The reality is, I cannot wait to say good riddance to 2012, and it was not a great year.  Many unhappy things occurred over the past year and I am glad that it will soon be over.  I look forward to 2013 and what it has in store for me.  There are at least two events that will occur, God willing, that will change my life dramatically. 

Yet I should probably say why I thought 2012 a not so good year and add the disclaimer that I may in retrospect find that it was a good year.  Right now I am not so inclined to be charitable to 2012.  The major event personally is that my uncle had a stroke and would eventually pass away two months later.  This has changed our family dynamics quite a bit.  I miss him and I grieve for the loss that means to our family.  These last few months have been quite hard on my Dad as that was his only brother.  My uncle was the last living member of my Dad’s side of the family.  It has been hard on us, but I am sure it has been hardest on my Dad.  As a result, our traditions have changed for Uncle Kenny will no longer be coming up to our house on Thanksgiving and Christmas.  The loss of traditions like these is among the myriad reasons why I did not really look forward to Christmas this year.  Which is sad, because this past Christmas was probably the last that I will have at home in Sheridan.  Next year, church obligations will probably mean that I will not be home for Christmas. 

There are also a lot of other changes that have occurred in the last year that have left me feeling lonely.  Along with that, I said goodbye to an old friend as well.  I had visited an older woman in a nursing home as part of my duties at Second Church; she passed away a few weeks ago.  When I walk into that place now to visit others, I will miss that fact that she is no longer there.  Many of the people that I once so relied on are no longer a hop, skip, and a jump away.  I talked a lot about that in the last post however, so I will not sound redundant here by rehashing that.  Yet this year has its reasons for not being a great year.

There were also many events that occurred in our world that make this year a year that we would sooner forget.  Events in Syria continue to defy logic as a madman clings to power.  Thousands of average everyday people have lost their lives as a result.  Our nation’s political process continues to show just how broken it is.  I am convinced that kindergarteners have more maturity than many of our elected officials do.  This also seems to be a year in which many shootings have taken place, Aurora and Sandy Hook Elementary being the most notable.  Numerous events have occurred that may make us lose hope.  Many things happen where all we can say is “How long O Lord?”  Followed soon after by “Come Lord Jesus come and come quickly.” 

Sounds like a pretty bleak picture doesn’t it?  Well if you are still reading by this point, I have to say that 2012 was not all bad.  There has been much for which I bless the Lord.  Several of my dearest friends got married over the past year.  Including two of my closest buddies at WTS who decided to take the plunge into that thing called marriage.  I am convinced that Stephen and Rob both married up, and they give hope to us nice guys, apparently we don’t finish last after all.  My roommate and another buddy of mine also got engaged.  To top that off, in the last month, I have had several friends tell me that they are expecting a child.  June seems to be a popular due date.  There have also been several of my classmates that graduated last May who have received calls to churches and begun their ministries.  For these things and more, I bless the Lord. 

I spent ten weeks in a little town called Baldwin, Wisconsin.  Like with my experience in Pella the previous summer, I felt affirmed in my call to ministry, probably to some rural church somewhere.  I really did enjoy my time among those folks who were eager to help me learn what it means to be a pastor.  My time spent among them gives me high hopes for the church that I will hopefully start to serve in the coming year. 

So 2012 had many woes.  It also had quite a few blessings as well.  My good riddance to it is not a bitter statement for while the year was not great, I do not harbor any ill will towards it (Lest any of you think that based on what I have written thus far).  Yet I am ready to see it go.  For 2013 holds great promise.  Chief among those promises is the fact that I will be graduating from Western Theological Seminary in May.  I will be receiving my Masters degree, first in the family to do so.  Much like four years ago when I graduated from Hope, there will be great celebration in that.  For this degree does not belong fully to me.  Without the support of my family these last 26 years, that simply would not have been possible.  My family continues to be a blessing in the support and encouragement that they have been through the years and for that I bless the Lord.

Lord willing, I will begin serving at my first call in the coming year.  Truth be told, I am excited for that and a little nervous.  I have been preparing for this very calling for the last four years.  To be able to use the tools I have accumulated over the years is something I look forward to.  I look forward to being able to walk alongside others as we figure out what it means to live a life of gratitude for the grace that we have been given.  The downside to that is that this means I will probably say goodbye to my Second Reformed Church family in the coming year.  I know that I will especially miss the kids that I work with in their youth group.  It has been a privilege to see those kids grow the last few years and also a blessing to grow in my time at Second Church and I know I will miss all of them.  So that will certainly be a bittersweet moment when it comes.  Yet change is in the air and 2013 will be a year of transition.  With this comes great uncertainty, yet also great promise.

So good riddance to 2012 and hello to 2013.  I must admit that as I have been writing this, my hard-line stance toward 2012 has softened a bit.  It carried with it many woes, but it also had its blessings as well.  Yet there is a lot to look forward to in 2013 and I find myself optimistic for what God has in store for the coming year.  It will not be easy, of that I am sure.  For between now and Graduation I have to write my Credo and in May I go before Zeeland Classis for my last exams for ordination.  Not easy stuff, yet also entirely doable.  Actually, if anything, being overconfident would be my downfall.

I do not know where life is at for you as we enter this coming year.  For many of you, 2012 was a year to remember.  Some of you are probably more emphatic in wishing it good riddance than I am.  For others, like me, it was probably a mixed bag at best.  Yet as we usher in 2013, I find myself optimistic at my prospects and I believe that it will be a better year than this year just past.  As we enter this New Year, I hope that this post finds you well and I pray that God bestows His blessings on you in the coming year.

Transitions

So, you’ve not heard from me in quite some time.  Sorry about that, I hope that maybe I can be more consistent with this thing.  Writing it should not be a chore, but a joy.  It’s been months and I can say that there’s a lot that has happened in that time.  I’m no longer in Baldwin, I’m back now in Holland and am about to finish my second to last semester of seminary.  I can tell you that the rest of my time in Baldwin was good and I miss the people there, much as I miss the people in Pella.  My drive home from Baldwin was beautiful.  I regret though that I did not get out of the car along US 2 and walk the beach for a bit.  It was the most beautiful part of the drive.  Yet, I did not do that and I find myself back here in Holland for what has been an interesting year thus far.

This year is not all that I hoped that it would be.  Actually, I think that in my mind I had been looking forward to a repeat of last.  Silly man that I am though, I should have remembered that no two years are the same while in school.  Each of them is different in their own ways. 

This year has not been easy.  It’s been a little rough on me in fact.  Many of my dearest friends graduated last spring.  Many of my friends left here at seminary have seen their life circumstances change in such a way that I see them less than I would like.  I have also realized that I care less and less for schoolwork.  The Academy is not my passion and it’s not where I would want to make my mark on this world, nor do I feel called to do so.

Those of you that know me best know that I deeply value a few close people.  Many of those people that I value and hold dear came into WTS at the same time as I.  I have taken a little longer to graduate than many of them however and they have moved on.  As a result, I feel the lack at not having them here with me.  It’s as if a bit of the joy that I found in their companionship is gone.  I grieve that loss.  At the same time, I know that they have moved on to new things and that God is taking them to new places, putting them where he has called them.  Thus in my better moments, I take joy in that.  I still have friends here, dear brothers and sisters that give me great joy.  I’ve even met new friends as well.  I can say that the junior class this year is an excellent group of people.  The ones with whom I’ve spoke at length seem to be quality people.  I lament the fact that I will not really get close to them before I graduate here.  

Yet, I am ready to leave this place.  Not because I hate it or harbor bitterness toward it, but because I think that it is time for me to move on.  At the beginning of this year, I asked the Lord what he had to teach me.  This semester has been a lot about patience and trust.  It’s also helped me to realize that I am ready to no longer be a student, at least not in the formal sense of the word.  Rather I’m ready to move on to the parish, to become the pastor of a church somewhere and walk with them as we seek to grow each day in our faith in the Triune God.

I am not meant to be a scholar.  Indeed, I’ve realized that the academic life has in some ways crushed my spirit.  Though I may be a bit bookish, I am not meant to sit all day in my study and read dusty tomes.  Though the pastoral life is one of study, I know that is not all there is to it.  I hope to walk with others and aid them as they grow deeper in understanding what it means to live a life of gratitude for what the Lord has done.  I want to see others grow deeper in their understanding of the faith and I hope that helps me to grow as well.  I want to teach and be taught.  I hope to enter into the sacred moments of ministry, to show others the love of God for broken ones such as ourselves.

The academic life was once a passion of mine.  Yet I have realized that I had not read anything that was truly meaningful to me from my course work for a couple years.  That was, until I read The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer.  To read what this martyr wrote kindled a fire in me; something that has not been done in far too long.  I realized that the experience of the last few years has been quite dry at times.  I’ve been doing things more for the sake of doing them and getting a grade than for personal growth and letting that shape who I am.  In the midst of worrying about grades, in many ways I’ve lost my first love.  The juniors were a bit of a reminder of that.  I appreciate and value the zeal that many of them have.  I hope that fire that I see in several of them continues to burn bright.

For you juniors that may read this, I have a few words for you.  By now you’ve entered what is potentially a busy and stressful time of the semester.  I encourage you to cling all the more to that which is life-giving, whatever it may be.  Don’t be overcome by desire for getting good marks, for in a couple years no one will care.  Do as well as you can and don’t let the professor’s approval become an idol.  Seek instead to learn and grow in wisdom rather than absorb information like a sponge absorbs water.  The former is the true purpose of education.  The latter is a mutant.  Remember, this growth comes outside of the classroom as well.  Remember to enjoy the people around you and learn from them.  People are far more important than books.  Get some exercise, go out on walks and clear your mind.  Above all else, remember to laugh.  Laugh with abandon.  Laugh so hard that your stomach hurts.  Laughter is great medicine for the soul.  I am convinced that it is a gift God.  I wish that my words could convey the fullness of what I mean here yet I am not the most eloquent of writers so I apologize for that.

This posting is quite a bit more serious and heavy, unusually so for a lighthearted soul such as myself.  My year has not been easy.  It’s had a lot of ups and downs.  It’s had great joy as well.  So if any of you worry for me (Mother), worry not.  For God is good and faithful.  He has blessed me beyond measure.  Not everything in life is as I want it, yet truly I am blessed.  I just need to remember that.